Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
