the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No subtext here. People are naked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
