That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
