I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
