I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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