Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
