so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
