meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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