I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
