Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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