Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
