People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
