you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
