I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Text me some of your sweat
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