I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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