you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
