I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
