Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
