how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
