So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
