All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
