I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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