During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
