Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
