I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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