I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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