I just pynch a tree in the face
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This baby is an asshole
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
