The maid of honor just puked.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
