My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
