she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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