I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
