..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
