waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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