and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
