That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
