Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
