Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
