1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
