You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
