Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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