Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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