Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
