I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
