there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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