Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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