I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
