I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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