Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
