he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
