Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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