He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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