I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
