This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
