i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
