I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
