My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
