i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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