I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
