I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
