every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
