dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
