we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
