i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
